Seasonal Depression or Not??

I have always heard the term seasonal depression. I don't know if that is what I have during the autumn months but it comes back year after year. It's a feeling of missing someone or something that is just out of reach. I also have a longing to revisit my childhood. I wonder if  I associate this time of year with being a child and knowing that a long winter is coming. I will once again have to put shoes on my feet and stay inside while the cold weather makes its way through before spring arrives. Spring means playing in the fields and woods and visiting with all of the neighbor children. Then we would walk each other home after a long day of play, tired and never bored.

Waking up with a chill in the air brings back childhood memories. Growing up in the Appalachians wasn't easy. We lived with the bare minimum, no running water, no inside bathrooms. My father was fortunate enough to have a job at one of the few places in the county that employed men. Walter Dimensions was a lumber plant that made tongue and groove pieces. If you were lucky enough to own a pick up truck (which my father did) you could put your name in rotation for a free truck load of end pieces to sell for kindling wood. At that time it was in high demand. If I remember correctly he sold it for $6.00 per delivered load. That was a good boost to a weekly income of $36.00, that he was raising 3 children with. My father lacked in public education due to quitting school at the age of 12. He went to work on a farm, his mother, a widow, raising 9 children during the depression needed help. He was a good honest man that was well liked and respected by all that knew him. He was a man of few words, so when he did speak we listened. He was a Christian man and seen that we got to church every Sunday. I have so many wonderful memories of him.

My mother was a stay at home mom. Sounds good, right? She got up at 4am to build a fire in the cooking stove (pre-heat the oven) She made home cooked breakfast to send us off with everyday. We raised chickens so eggs were plentiful. She always packed my father some kind of lunch to take with him and then get us children up and ready to catch the school bus. During the summer she worked in the garden and put up vegetables to get us through the winter. She also would dry apples for pies. There was laundry to do on an old wringer washing machine. We caught water in rain barrels to wash clothes in and for bathing. Mama would melt snow on top of the stove to substitute for the rain that didn't come in the winter months.

Our house was so cold. Mama would sometimes wrap a blanket/quilt around the old pot bellied heating stove to warm it, then she would wrap me up in it and tuck me into the feather bed. I would stay warm and snug all night, with so many covers on me that I could barely move. I remember a crack in the bedroom that we stuffed rags in to keep the snow from blowing in. But I was fed, safe and loved.... with the innocence of a child I slept, not knowing that down the road there was a little girl being molested or that a family up the road was consumed with heartbreak because of the fighting and turmoil inside their home. Maybe it's the innocence of a child that I am longing for. Whatever it is, it is out of my reach.

Time to come back to my reality. I am going to make a list. A list of all the things that I need to do this fall and winter. Then I will check them off one at a time. Yes.....yes, that is what I am going to do. When spring comes once again, all of my work will be done and it will be time to go outside and just enjoy the weather! Yes....yes it will!

LGV